Mercury's Christmas Letter to Santa, 2013

 

Dearest, darling, Santa,

    

-->     I am distressed to compose my letter at this time  when I am driving Maman to distraction with my bad behavior and just at the time when she has a few precious weeks off from her highly demanding job. I trust you will not hold it against me and not measure the dog by the behavior of a few weeks.

     This has been a harrowing year as well: I was attacked by my neighbor Chad, a large (intimidating) Chow mix. My injuries were slight but it was necessary to be driven to the doggie ER and to visit my regular doctor on Monday. Blood was drawn! Papa and Maman valiantly leapt to my aid-- Papa scooping me and Maman putting herself between Chad and Papa. In any case, that's all in the past. Chad's Mom was so kind to me and I've forgiven him; it's really not his fault.

     And in general, over the course of the last 12 months, I have tried to be as good as possible, helping Maman with her work, serving as sous-chef for Papa, cleaning my own home and suffering clothing willingly if not gladly.

     Plus, you are my very best friend. I love you more than anyone and I've missed you all year long.  Therefore, I'm hoping you'll forgive my lapses and leave me the following gifts:

Mercury's Christmas List

1 Santa Belly Gourmet Cookie Box

Peanut Butter Madness & Personalized Tote

New & pretty water bowl, preferably a 2-cup jewel tone pedestal bowl

Personalized Sequined Reindeer Tee (this to make Maman happy: note this example of good behavior)

A TV and a smart phone (preferably iPhone 5s) of my very own

A Furby (purple)

For Maman:

Old Gringoembroidered Jasmine 10" boots

For Papa:

Maman and I agree that his Mercedes (E-series, over 300-horse power, polar white with two sun roofs and satellite connection) is gift enough for 1 year (possibly more?--just a suggestion; you're the expert).  If you feel especially well disposed to Papa, he does need a new pair of socks.

     As you can see, our requests are modest this year. I am truly sorry for my bad behavior. If you only leave coal for me, I'll understand.  But please don't punish Maman for my sins. She did her best and I hope you'll leave those Old Gringo boots for her.

     Well, my darling friend, that's all for now. Is there anything that you'd like me to give you? The traditional milk and cookies? A large bowl of caviar and toast? A new suit?

     Very truly yours, with love, Mercury Murphy Roushanzamir!

PS: you can visit me and even stay for a few days. I'd be happy and honored to share my own little home. I expect that you'd like a break from the exertions of this Christmas season (I hope I'll have a TV and smart phone by that time; I'll share them with you.)

Another PS: I promise to be nicer to Kelly Noonan who after all is a wonderful groomer. Perhaps you could bring some  furniture or decorations for her luxurious new location: Doggie Styles. (note, another example of good behavior)