Dear darling Santa,
A year has passed since Christmas 2017. A long arid summer, followed by its opposite, a drenching autumn, and now winter, fast approaching.
As the 2017 photo above attests, my encounter with you (my best pal and buddy) was a tad fraught. It's a photo only a Mama could love.
Still, bye-gones shall be bye-gones and I have my Christmas list ready for your final approval (and action).
Mercury's List of Preferred Toys, Treats, and Gifts
Red Plaid Flannel Dog Hoodie
A SPOT plush bone with face toy
A SPOT soccer ball
A "Charming Pet" Christmas puzzler dog toy
Greenies teeny treats (the largest bag)
**A new XS iphone of my very own would also be welcome, indeed
**A new XS iphone of my very own would also be welcome, indeed
Please note, I've been extremely well-behaved this year despite significant health problems. Multiple doctor visits, x-rays, ultra-sound, a trip to the emergency room and a surgery that resulted in scores of stitches. I wore the cone of shame (otherwise known as an Elizabethan Collar) proudly.
I've become ever more attentive to Mama as we've continued to bond over our shared interest in film and Brit TV. As I've learned from a book I've been reading recently, dogs and humans share a "deep interest in friendship, cooperation, and justice." We share much in common but our differences may be what cements the 40,000+ years of living in love, peace, and solidarity. [see Willing Dogs & Reluctant Masters: on friendship and dogs by Gary Borjesson]
With Papa and grand-père, I've worked diligently to alleviate the many burdens on Mama so that she may spend happy hours watching, reading, and thinking, i.e. her retirement goals.
Finally, dearest Santa, I wish you all the best this holiday season. Please enjoy your final week of rest and relaxation before your strenuous Christmas Eve travel around the world to visit all the good little girls and boys.
As a (thoughtful) token of my esteem, this year I shall hold the milk and instead leave French cognac and a large-sized chocolate bar (Mrs. Sees) to warm you on your way.
With undying affection and love, your very best friend in the whole wide world,
Mercury Murphy Roushanzamir
PS: I finally got my driver's license. Maybe I share driving responsibilities with you in 2019? I think you could leave more gifts for each child at each visit if you had my assistance.
Finally, dearest Santa, I wish you all the best this holiday season. Please enjoy your final week of rest and relaxation before your strenuous Christmas Eve travel around the world to visit all the good little girls and boys.
As a (thoughtful) token of my esteem, this year I shall hold the milk and instead leave French cognac and a large-sized chocolate bar (Mrs. Sees) to warm you on your way.
With undying affection and love, your very best friend in the whole wide world,
Mercury Murphy Roushanzamir
PS: I finally got my driver's license. Maybe I share driving responsibilities with you in 2019? I think you could leave more gifts for each child at each visit if you had my assistance.
2 comments:
Ms. Mercury.... As always, I read your letter to Santa with undisguised enthusiasm (You may not know that I am a "closet voyeur" of the Christmas lists of others--both two-legged and four-legged, and particularly of those whose tails wag enthusiastically whenever I approach). I found your list to be thoughtfully detailed. If only everyone were so explicit! There would be far fewer returns (and re-gifts)of "not quite right" hoodies, bone toys, and treats.
However, I wonder whether you have carefully considered your request of the XS iphone. It is quite large for someone your size don't you think? Perhaps you might ask Santa to bring it for Mama. She would be so delighted and undoubtedly would give you her current phone to have for your very own.
Then too, you forgot to mention that your behavior during Mama and Papa's extended trip to England was nothing short of exemplary even though you were very lonesome. Santa will certainly take note.
And finally, I'm wondering if you might help me in my effort to lure Santa to my home. Do you know if he prefers dark or milk chocolate? I worry so about having things exactly right. Personally, I prefer milk chocolate and know that I would be "bitterly" disappointed to find a dark chocolate bar. Please let me know if you are certain about Santa's preference.
Warm wishes to you and yours (don't forget grand-pere)for a magical holiday season (complete with lots and lots of glitter).
Peggy
Dear Mercury, my new-found cousin--
I admire the depth and breadth of your list. It shows a great deal of thought and, if I may say so, cunning. A dog's reach should exceed her grasp, or what's a heaven for, isn't that what the poet said? Reach for the stars, my friend.
I am particularly struck by the inclusion of an iphone of some kind on your list. I am SO unimaginative when it comes to such things. Maybe I should sneak an Alexa doodad onto my list and see if they notice? Imagine the fun I could have with that when they're away! As for my own list, well, I'm a little behind. Just tonight I have begun a concentrated effort to destroy every toy I own so that my moms will be forced to go out and buy replacements for me. Yes, haha! The joke's on them--there will be no time to order through Amazon and they will have to actually go to a store and handle the toys, evaluating each for appropriateness. This way, they can prove to me that they really care. Petsmart at Christmas time! Imagine!
I made quite a show of my destructive play this evening. I took each item out of my toy box and proceeded in destruction mode. First I rent and ripped my blue shark, tearing him limb from limb (hmm, do sharks have limbs?) and removing his stuffing! He had to be thrown away before I ate his squeaky bit. Then, I took out a toy that was given to me by my shelter friends Liz and Jeanne when they dropped me off on my adoption day (oh happy day!). It was brand new. So, tonight, I proceeded to chew on its head (we do not know exactly what animal it's meant to be, but I think that was its head) until the rubber lining was exposed. See? I am hard at work! This is exhausting! I still have a yellow pull-toy to destroy and another shark.
I don't know why I left all of this until nearly the last minute. I guess I am a procrastinator like my Mama Beck. Yes, that means it's HER fault.
Well, gotta go. The rest of my un-destroyed toys are calling me and there is much work to be done.
In solidarity (because I'm a dog and also 12.5% miniature poodle),
Your cousin, Lucas
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