Chez Roushanzamir

Chez Roushanzamir meals are served only twice a day: morning & early evening. Always the same. Dry dog food & water. True I have my own serviceware, the big blue water bowl [somewhat akin to the bowls in which coffee is served in the south of France] and the Miami green dog food dish [a piece of 1950s Americana]. And yes, these meals are served on a special placemat, the blue & white folk art from Venuzuela brought into the country by special courier.




However, my own perferences have never been consulted. Following are the menus I'd prefer.

Breakfast: coffee & coissant.

Mid-morning: dry dog food served al fresco.

Lunch: Japanese box lunch or udon noodles in miso soup topped with kamaboko, egg, scallions, etc.

Mid-afternoon: Lamb on the bone.

Cocktail hour: dry martini, shaken not stirred, served icy cold along with caviar & toast triangles.



Later in the evening: [say, post-theatre or after an intime entre-nous] a nouvelle cousine dish that takes advantage of local & seasonal fruits, vegetables, meats and wines.

Dessert: a sweet omelette

Apres: And coffee fine with a complementary liqueur. [creme de menthe, an old brandy, a special Madeira]


Had anyone consulted me, I'd never have agreed that these paltry "tasty snacks" [see left] constitute special treats. However, Chez Roushanzamir, one must take what one can get. [and by the way, Mama et Papa don't let me get at the trash--a dog's meat & mead-- either]

The final picture [below] shows how very hungry I am.

If anyone reading this blog can provide meals more befitting my standards & tastes, please contact me via the comments field at the conclusion of this posting.

I shall be forever grateful.

Food & Drink

This morning blogspot.com's "insert photos" feature is not working. please return to this entry later on. Today you will learn about my favorite cocktail, my personal Venezuelan place mat & the nouvelle cousine meals served morning & evening. I'll also share information about snacks that Mama et Papa call "treats" as if they're something for special occasions only. [Papa provides them throughout the day.]

For now read: YESTERDAY'S ENTRY ABOUT BASEBALL.

Out to the Ball Game

This is a 2-part entry. Part I: my Theory of Baseball:

Of all the ball-games that folks play, base ball seems the purest Sport. No time limitation [basketball], no timed interruptions [the so-called quarters of football], no pretense that people lack hands & arms [soccer, sometimes also referred to as football], no help from the animal kingdom [horses/ polo], no tea [cricket] & etc.

Baseball games begin at the beginning & end when one team wins, either in the 9th or as long as it takes. People pitch, hit, run and catch & the umpire's word is final;no instant replay. Baseball's a sport for Everyman ["man"used in its generic sense]. An all-engrossing, fascinating display of people's prowess. Perhaps you marvel at my knowledge of baseball, the People's Game. Check out picture 1. Papa & I prepare to root for the home team. So far, so good.









PartII: Dogs Do Not Play Baseball

With the Theory of Baseball in mind, why must my Mama pretend that the good old-fashioned dog game of Fetch must be transformed into a kind of sham doggie baseball? Silly beyond belief. A recent example:

This morning, Mama threw my favorite ball and I fetched it. That was lots of fun.

However in less time than it takes to say "you're out," she was winding up a pitch, throwing the ball & and adding commentary such as: "It lands in the outfield. The player's rounding first, coming into second...." Or: "Strike one. It's a homerun. We're behind 1-nothing." And other baseball referrents.

Has she lost her mind?
Picture 2 shows a member of my "opposing team." [His team in black & white. Right!] Picture 3: Me [our team in red] in the "dugout;" can you guess that I'm "pitching" that game?Picture 4, me after an 11-inning night game.

Believe me, no one likes a ball game better than I do. But please, when playing with your dog, drop the fantasy & let's play Fetch. [peanuts & cracker jacks, encouraged]

At Home

Here is my Home. I live in a centrally-located 1940s 2-story brick house in an historically protected neighborhood. In the first picture you'll see the porch pictured in previous blog entries. The porch faces east, thus receiving morning sun & nicely shaded in the afternoon hours. My bedroom, in contrast to the house structure, is completely modern. As you see [or perhaps it isn't that clear; Mama, not the best of photographers, took that shot] 4 Persian rugs line the floor. The main room is a loft space-- completely open, breezy and with lots of natural light. My Bucky pillow is light blue to coordinate with the main carpet, while my primary bed toy accents the orange-reds of the remaining 3 rugs. If you click on the photo a larger version will appear on your screen; it shows off nicely my leopard skin blanket. I'd welcome the opportunity to give you the complete tour, to show you the other rooms and the many objets d'art collected from numerous European countries & from as far away as Japan and Ethiopia. I am almost always At Home.

And The World Laughs With You

A secret that dogs with-hold from people is the diversity of our means of communication. One example to note: this engaging multi-media blog, text & graphics on the internet. Yesterday I inadvertantly let my Mama in on another communication secret--we were playing an intense game of gallop & retrieve [the ball, see yesterday's entry, Positioning Play] when I let out a big Laugh.

Yes, dogs do laugh but we tend to be wary of sharing that with folks. Why? We try our best to limit the sophistication of our communication practices with people. After all, we lead darn good lives, being provided with home & hearth, 2 squares a day, recreational opportunities, plenty of comfortable places to sleep & plenty of time to do so, etc. An excellent berth indeed. This we've attained with such simple techniques: body language & a woof & an arf. Naturally we don't want to rock the boat.

So don't expect to hear your own dog laugh. But I think I'm happy that I shared that secret with my sweet Mama.

Positioning Play

My mama teaches advertising & mass media classes. "Positioning" is an advertising term that means placing a product or service properly in the marketplace. For dogs, positioning is a kind of communication. Apparently people have an underdeveloped sense of smell. [They seem to communicate through a series of verbal quacks.] Mama et papa have had a long training curve when it comes to positioning. They are only now just beginning to comprehend.
A digression: and why do they speak in that high-pitched baby voice when talking to me or about me? "Come here, little girl," "Do you want a treat, baby?," "You're such a beauty; you are Beauty," etc. Or, they pretend that I'm talking: "Oh, papa, I love you!," "Mistress, Mercury wants out," "Mama, Mercury wants play," etc. More than slightly sickening--sacchrin, even.
Back to positioning. Above, I've illustrated with the Play Position. They eventually got it; rear in air means Play. Now.
Toys are an essential tool. Here are some of mine. My comments.:

What becomes clear through a studied examination of these toys is that they're chosen to infantalize me. A fake bone? A chew toy that looks like a toothbrush [it's supposed to freshen my breath; yuck].That "shoe" at the upper right [the one next to a plastic "shoe"] has tongue! Sure I play with these toys. After all, they squeek, roll, they're chewy.

But here are my absolutely Favorite Toys: Kenneth Cole Shoes & Saeid's fleece socks.

Good & Evil

Mama & Papa seem to consider education an opportunity, for increasing their own knowledge, for applying same to situations that arise in their lives & for learning how to share their knowledge with others. As noted in the previous entry, I've come to appreciate that point of view. But, there is certainly such a thing as: Going Too Far.

Listed here, so-called Educational Materials that Mama et Papa consult in their efforts to know more about me.

Good:
The Toy & Miniature Poodle. [Janice Biniok, 2006]

My comment: Quoting the first sentence, "The Poodle's regal carriage & artistically groomed coat give the impression of an aristocrat of the dog world."

Evil:
Cesar's Way: the natural, everyday guide to understanding & correcting common dog problems. [Cesar Millan, 2006]

My comment: Note the word "correcting;" no more need be said.

And then the books I can only refer to as insufferably arch:

How Dogs Think: what the world looks like to them & why they act the way they do. [Stanley Coren, 2004, ironically published by the Free Press]

My comment: Note this from a review: "A good book to read....three paws up."

Little Dogs: training your pint-sized companion. [Deborah Wood, 2004]

My comment: There are no little dogs, just little trainers.

The Little Book of Lap Dogs. [Andrea K. Donner, ed. 2006]

My comment: The book itself is little & pink.The cover girl, a white Maltese, wears pink bows on her hair, a pink ribbon round her neck & an obsequious smile showing off her pink tongue.

My Curriculum Vita

Papa et Mama work at the University of Georgia--Athens. Papa at the Complex Carbohydrate Research Center & Mama at the Grady College of Journalism & Mass Communication. [see links at right for both] Perhaps for that reason, they insisted I attend school. At first the very thought terrified me. What would I wear on the first day? Would my classmates like me-- would I like them? Would they make fun of me & tease me?

Be that as it may, my parents were determined. First they looked over the school: Pawtropolis, the city that's gone to the dogs...and cats too! [check out their web page by clicking on the link at right] Then they attended 2 special parents night orientation sessions [leaving me alone at home. :) ]

Finally: the First Day of School. The first people I met were my teachers. Here are their pictures. Amanda sits with 1 of her 3 awfully well trained dogs. Tamela is shown with 2 of hers.






Amanda & Tamela are Tough. But some of the students were tough too. I especially remember Bronco, although soon he was tamed. Of course I was the smallest. Here are the basic commands that I learned--

Walking Properly --- Sit --- Lie Down --- Wait --- Stay --- Come --- etc.

Frankly, I was not the best student. In fact, I was in the bottom 10th of our class. I inched my way to a pass. And here is my diploma to prove it. [If you click on the 2nd picture, you'll see an enlarged version with my name clearly visible.]

At the end I had great esteem for my classmates most of whom learned their lessons well & are prepared for the next level, agility training. I, despite the fact that I passed [albeit narrowly] plan to repeat the course, this time with a positive attitude & true desire to learn.

They Feed Me

It's said that "man" is a dog's best friend. I count on my Papa & Mama to provide nourishing & [hopefully] tasty food. These pictures demonstrate the hardships I face daily. In the first picture you see evidence that I must creep up on the bare bones of a meal. Next I secure it. I look pleadingly at Papa & Mama, begging them to leave me alone...to [image 4] my lonely & pathetic meal. Occasionally breakfasts & dinners of Eukanuba dry food appear in a plastic bowl. True, Eukanuba is one of the more expensive brands & yes, I expect to be hand fed, but what can I say? It's either dry pre-packaged dog food or a hard bone. No pizza, sushi, or crepes. No single malt or high end vodka. No steak & potatoes. Not even a meat & three.

Mercury at the Beauty Salon

Fashion forward, wind blown & gorgeous.
All due to one special person.

Meet Kelly. I go to her salon, Doggie Shapes, about every 6 weeks. As the date approaches, I'm terrified. But Kelly is nice & efficient. First I have a bath-- then she buzzes me, brushes me, and gives me a manicure. Here Kelly's pictured with my friend Mary Catherine. She was recently featured in a photoshoot for a regional life style magazine.

BTW, if you place your cursor over each picture & click you'll be able to view the selected photo in larger dimensions. Try it!

Mercury Goes to School

You all know that I'm a dog but apparently my Mama & Papa do not. This summer I'm attending a remedial [1] class so I'll be ready for college [2] in the Fall. Luckily, the term at British colleges doesn't begin until October.

What Literacy Means to a Dog

Paper.
Newsprint. Hard Stock. Copier. Stationary.
& Books. Hardback, PaperBack, Simple Bound.
All feed my intellect.
Literally.
Get it?

P.S. Check the "archives" for more fantastic pix of me.

Interruption by Elle

Mercury seems to have hijacked this blog. It was intended to be about Mercury not by Mercury. After all, she's a dog. And she's not supposed to be the alpha dog; that's reserved for me & Saeid. Believable? No. True? No. Good intentions? Yes. --e

Raining & Pouring

It's pouring 9,000 tears. Why, can anyone Please Tell Me, do Saeid & Elle force me to wear these ridiculous clothes? I obliged for the picture, but believe me, I shall never wear this rain slicker again. Never. Well, hardly ever.

Mercury, Kitchen Worker

Living as I do in a household of IT & scholarship, I've found that Saeid & Elle tend to forget the most fundamental aspects of life. So I spend an awful lot of time in the kitchen. As you see in the 2nd picture, I'm retrieving my omlette pan.

Mama et mon Oncle

Dear Reader, Here is my Mama pictured with mon pere. More impressive however is the picture of mon Oncle Andy; he's the gray haired gentleman sitting to the left of Mike Brown [former head of FEMA] who's testifying before the U.S. Congress. Check back for pictures of my Lester Grandparents.

My Iranian Family

Papa [baba] et Grandmere [mamabozorg]

Mercury models

Nothing to say today, but then what more can be said?

Mercury Finds Her Voice

Dear Reader, Why should Elle speak for me? Have I no rights? Nothing to say!? Frankly, the Roushanzamir household is completely dependent on me. I deliver the goods. Check back frequently for gossip, exposes, chat & dish. No holds barred, no news withheld. [And by the way, I've chosen to change the text color; that red--selected by Elle--is too too trite.]

Preview: Elle leaves the House.

Mercury's 4th of July

Manijeh with Randy & Terry in Danielsville, Ga on July 4, 2006

And see Ollie, the wonder dog

Dylan & Saeid

And more to come.